Master the Ride of Relationships

Getting through a Break Up Dos and Don’ts

Figure it Out

Do think about the situation to figure out what went wrong. Deal with the emotions you may have, whether it’s anger, sadness, pain, or hate. Remove the things that remind you of your relationship. They won’t help you get through the break-up. Come up with five things you liked about the relationship and would like in a future one, and five things you didn’t like. This helps you know better what you want in a person. Start a journal or diary for your thoughts, in whatever format they come in. This can be a good way to deal with your emotions as well. Regurgitated writing is a type of writing where you regurgitate all of your angry or pain onto a page, every ugly thought you have. Then you dispose of the paper in whatever way you want. Ripping and burning are the most common ways. It’s a form of stress relief that can be highly useful.

Don’t focus so much on figuring out the what caused the break-up that you are obsessing about it. Don’t let hateful thoughts toward yourself dwell in your mind. Remove those as fast as you can. Don’t rethink your decision about breaking up. If you were broken up with, don’t think you can change the person’s mind if you just remind them of the good times. Don’t edit what you write. Honesty can help you get through the break-up.

Life Changes

Do distance yourself from your ex. You want to spend at least eight weeks apart from them, even if you’ve parted amicably and want to continue a friendship. You need the separation period for you to adjust to the changing relationship. Take the time you have to clean up and organize your life. Change your personal space. Keep your mind focused on the cleaning so it can’t wander to thoughts you don’t need to be thinking. Be active. You might not feel like it all the time, but you have to keep your mind on other things. If you don’t feel like working out, just get yourself to take one step toward it, and then once you’ve taken that step, take one more. Only focus on the next step.

Don’t let yourself sit around and vegetate. You need to be out doing things, keeping yourself healthy. Don’t give into the desire to contact your ex. You will want to, probably out of habit, but don’t do it. You both need the distance and going back to the previous routine before either of you is ready won’t be healthy.

Social Life

Do rely on a core group of friends or family to boost your spirits and keep you happy during this transitive time of your life. You need support and people who can build you up and make you feel good about yourself. You need people who can keep your mind distracted from the break-up.

Don’t jump into a rebound relationship. Some people think throwing themselves into a new relationship will help them get over the old one. This may be true in some cases, but no one likes being a rebound, and it’s not healthy or fair to your ex, who will hear about it and think the relationship meant nothing to you if you moved past it so quickly. Give yourself and your ex time to move on.